< a title at last! >

exams are finally over. i knew i wanted to enjoy then, but dont think thats what i want to now.

went to sasa's office on fri but alas, was told that the wda personnel aint able to attend and hence gotta go back on the coming thurs again. but after leaving the office, bouts of anxiety surfaced. i had to get an average of Bs. its perhaps the first few times that i feared getting below average or worse, failing...
i know whatever i said now is of no use now. but i really cant help but feel disappointed. i used to believe that as long as one had done and strove for the best, it doesnt matter what the results come may. this is perhaps how i delude myself all this while. i am not doing my best. any rational person would want to reap what one sow. or if possible, reap more than one sow. who would want their efforts to go unrecognised?

i dont know what to do now. hols ald. but a complete lost of direction.

maybe i should start preparing for my supp papers. really.

do u know what you are talking about?
you said i am a bad influence. that i should not go around influencing my friends. you have a lot of issues with my spending habits. you reckon that shopping malls will go bust if not for my spending. you reckon i am immature, lazy and only know how to play and talk cock. you thought you know what i am thinking. you thought you know best. you always pick on me for the slightest reason. you dont like the way i lead my life.
if u realise, my life is led by you.

microecons. a total disaster today. what the!
shucks. i don see it coming at all. this is not fun at all.

was with Ger and the rest in town for the whole aftn. they are really the pple to hang out with. young n energetic! ha! and i realise i had lost any traces of 'tong zhen', if i have any to start with. i mean, i wont step into toys r us for nuts. i knew i wasnt fanatical with babies n stuff.so i wont go crazy over tods wear n stuff. not that i don like babies altog.they are cute but they arent what i fancy much.that sounds mean, huh? seeing them cuddling babies and even teaching each other what is the correct way to carry babies are just a bit too much for me.

i dont know. its with me again, i know.

really had no idea how to keep this blog error-free...just don like the way it shows the weird char and all. how? am an absolute idiot in this...
anw, had a great day ytd, hanging out with the girls. they are so cute! esp Jan and Lt!!! ahhah...really couldnt believe i could blend in with them! ahhahah! not too fond of fireworks myself but think Lp wanna catch it ...in the end, we missed it...Ger and the rest gg today...am not gg cos knew i wld be shagged by cdac...actually it isnt the primary reason but ya, better stay home and study, i reckon...
Vic comin back today...gosh, haven seen him for a month...yea! hope he miss us! ahhahha...

cant help feeling worthless sometimes. am starting to question my worth in cdac...kinda no significant contribution, i feel. Wayne did mention sth bt not doing enough and all. and i think i fall into the category. am i too preoccupied with my own stuff ? i know i am missing sth, yet i couldnt find it...

trying to come to terms with not being a homely person...i reckon i aint...feel terribly bad...but i gotta be honest w myself. i knew i gotta move out someday & have a life of my own...but i really mean my own life...

identity crisis again...

so slack these days.

despite drawin up a revision schedule, i'm not in any way on par at all.
this cant do.

cos i cant afford to do badly AGAIN. if not disappointment will sink in & i'll be lost again.

hope the rest of my pals are studyin too...its impt! what an understatement!

ought to practise ppt ald...but what to practise? arghz...

there's dinner tmr w sarah and all, still thinkin wanna go or not~

woah! my dear girl volunteered to do my blog skin for me~~~cos mine is plain boring! hahhah, girl so busy still can help me~~~love her lots! lol...*she must be blushing now! hee~

anw, was tied up with hw n don-know-what stuff for the past weeks...suffering from immense fatigue now...plus working quite a few days in a week...wking to me now is beyond a job.
its escapism...
but i know this wont last..cos the same problems will haunt me again.

i yearn for freedom.